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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 month ago

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Costume meta 8x01, 8x02 & 803

Life is incredibly busy for me at the moment, so I’m not able to spend as much time on things like writing Costume meta as I’d like, so, while I am planning on writing a meta for each episode, these are likely to be shorter and I will only be guaranteeing to do Buck and Eddies costumes. Any other character will be entirely dependent on my time and if there is anything interesting to point out! That being said, because I’ve combined the first three episodes into one meta (because they spent most of it in uniform!), it is on the longer side!

So, let’s get this season 8 costume meta show on the road!

Last season I pointed out the show was going heavy on the pink colour coding and suggested it was being employed to signal an overarching theme for the season - innocence and naiveté and the loss thereof. This proved to be correct and we saw the show weave stories across the season about innocence and naiveté and we then watched characters experience the loss of those things.

So I was intrigued to see what colour they would be using this season and had been contemplating over hiatus what I thought they’d go with. I regret not making a post about it back then, because my thoughts had been focused on orange, and early indicators suggest orange is indeed the colour they’re using - along with a second colour - brown.

I have spotted a lot of both colours in both episodes of the season so far, and very often they are using a sort of burnt/rusty orange/brown, that combines both colours I’ll be keeping my eye out for both colours in the upcoming episodes as well.

rest below the cut!

Examples of it in these opening two episodes that I’ve spotted are;

The light aircraft had orange and brown detailing on the tail.

The truck has a brown logo, the driver who ran up to the car on the highway was wearing an orange check shirt, and his co-driver is wearing brown

Tori and her assistant Sheila are wearing orange and brown and Sheila is wearing brown trousers with and orange check when the bees attack.

Hen’s jacket has a lot of orange and some brown in the plaid, and Denny’s shirt has a dark orange text on it.

Eddie and Buck are wearing brown shirts and Eddie is wearing an orange hat - the orange balloons and streamers are also fairly dominant in the party decorations.

Denis is wearing a light brown zip front hoodie (he also has his orange prison jumpsuit but I’m not including it as its standard prison uniform and would’ve been included regardless!)

Tia is wearing an orange/brown shirt under her white and coloured design jacket

Amy the manager of air traffic control is wearing both brown and orange

the toothbrush Dennis makes a shiv from is orange

several crew members on set are wearing brown

the workman who removes the blade fro the firetruck is wearing brown.

Orange means enthusiasm optimism and emotional strength. It’s also a colour of positivity and progressive thinking as well as creativity and success in endeavours! Orange can also be impatient and can also symbolise insincere personalities or intentions.

Brown meanwhile is stable and reliable, honest and supportive. It is also seen as protective and it is the foundation from which new things can grow. It also means honesty, wisdom and strength and it is a dependable colour. It can also have meanings such as loneness isolation and sadness, as well as being seen as boring or dull.

They are two colours that have intertwined meanings and to me this is suggesting an overarching theme for the season of positive stable progression. The idea of letting go of the past and moving forward. Everyones arc’s so far this season seem to be setting up the exploration of all our mains having to deal with aspects of their past (or connected to their past) be that something that happened to them or their behaviour, something they haven’t let go of that continues to impact them and that is preventing them from being able to progress further than they have. It feels very much like the show is setting itself up for making some changes to things for season 9 onwards (not saying people are leaving I want to make that clear - just that I think we might see some changes to what roles people fill within the show)

Check Theory

Check theory was out in force in these two episodes as well - and it has yet to fail me! The small aircraft pilot,

the truck driver,

the first passenger we see on the plane (whose shirt also happens to be that rusty orange/brown colour), one of the attorneys in LA, Sheila the PA, Amy the air traffic controller, all wearing check patterns along with Hen and Tommy. If you haven’t read my theory before - you can find it here, but basically check generally means the character will be the one in danger in some way (not always physical, it could be emotional) and in the case of the passenger on the plane - he is a signifier for the entire plane being in peril by virtue of being the first passenger we see.

Hen’s check came in a scene where we start to see the jealousy she feels towards Chim and Mara’s relationship (while Karen isn’t reacting to it at all - beyond seeming happy that Mara is happy) and is foreshadowing the upcoming issues with Hen and Chim’s relationship and their fight to get Mara back. the use of two different types of check is perhaps hinting at the fact Hen will be facing issues on two fronts - the Ortiz front and the Chimney/Maddie front. The raw edged denim also helps to play into the idea that Hen is reaching the end of her capacity to deal with things - she is feeling raw and frayed.

Tommy’s check is serving a similar purpose - we get a continuation of Tommys dismissive comments when Buck is telling him something about his life and it is clearly foreshadowing the issues and hurdles Buck and him are going to face. Interestingly the colour of the check is hard to figure out - I'm pretty sure its black, but it looks dark green in some moments and navy blue in others. The black and white colouring in a check pattern is giving us hints - telling us that in the case of Tommy things are very black and white - that there is little nuance to his character.

It's telling us what we see is what we get and that all of his behaviour up to this point can be read for what it is and t hat what it is isn't good because of the check. the other thing about black and white is that it suggests a lack of change - things being black and white in costume terms generally means that the character in that moment a a minimum can be read very plainly - they are how they are and how they have always been.

The fact Tommy is wearing it in a scene discussing Gerrard really is implying that things on that front are going to be black and white and that plays into the theory that it is his problematic past at the 118 (that the show deliberately chose not to address last season) is at least one of the issues that’s going to come up this season and that it is a black and white issue - as in not one with grey areas.

Tommy's blue party hat is also pretty interesting, and telling, blue is very much a Buck colour, its one he wears a lot of - far more than any other colour, this, along with the fact the black check on the shirt appears blue or green depending on the lighting and camera angle, fits with my theory that Tommy is meant to not only be similar to Eddie, but also and alt version of Buck. The fact he is wearing an open shirt over a henley also plays into this theory as they are items of clothing associated with Buck (open shirt) and Eddie (henley).

Navy blue as a hat colour is an interesting choice to have Tommy wearing in this scene because it is a colour associated with several things, its supposed to be a symbol of peace, commitment and honesty, as well as authority. It also means fragility, depression, impersonality and coldness.

We saw various shades of navy blue on Buck a lot during his relationship with Taylor - especially during the more fractious periods - moments such as the ily scene - seemingly a moment affirming commitment and honesty, but also revealing the fragility and coldness of their relationship.

So on Tommy it seems to be conveying a similar concept - the juxtaposition of the commitment of Buck and Tommys relationship and the idea that Buck is at peace with himself in relationship terms right now, but it is also revealing the fragility and coldness of the relationship - its supporting the textual clues we get in the scene and setting up Bucks arc for the season and the instability of his relationship with Tommy.

On to Eddie and Buck now we've dealt with the more general costume things!

I’ve already written above about the meaning of brown and how its meaning is stable and reliable, honest and supportive. It is also protective and it is the foundation from which new things can grow. It also means honesty, wisdom and strength. It is a dependable colour. It can also mean loneness isolation and sadness, as well as being seen as boring or dull.

The thing with brown is that it is made up of all of the colours and can therefore have different coloured undertones. In this scene, Bucks shirt is red toned and Eddies is yellow/orange toned and this means we should look to those colours for additional information about the potential meanings.

Eddie

The yellow and orange undertones for Eddie means his brown is connected to communication and enthusiasm as well as the meanings of brown I’ve described above. the meaning that particularly stands out to me in this scene is the idea of support - of being supportive. It’s a theme that plays out in different ways in this scene especially for Eddie and Buck. For Eddie specifically it is the idea of being supportive of what he thinks his son wants - what he i being told his son wants.

Eddie is trying to communicate with Christopher but Chris is not communicating back - Helena is the one that communicates the information we get about Chris - that he is happy in El Paso and has lots of new friends and is visiting the pool a lot etc. Eddie tries to be supportive of what he is being told, despite it making sure his broken heart stays broken - because he thinks it’s what Chris wants because it is what he’s being told.

We also have eddies orange party hat - picking up the orange undertones to the t-shirt, it emphasises the emotional strength Eddie has to employ to keep persevering with Chris - even when he is getting barriers thrown up at him. He’s being creative - throwing the party in LA even though he’s not with Chris - trying to make himself a part of things and show Chris that he’s trying to mend the bridge he broke. The orange is also playing the long game with Eddie as well - the lack of orange in the El Paso visuals is telling us that Eddie will be successful in his endeavours - he just needs to be patient and keep trying.

It's also worth noting a couple of things about Eddies clothing - firstly that Eddie is back to wearing slightly oversized tees again - calling back to season 5 and his breakdown and mental health struggles. and secondly the choice of putting him in olive drab cargo pants and his mom in jeans of the same-ish colour (its hard to tell exactly what shade of olive drab they are as the colouring through the computer screen is wildly different!) is an interesting choice - its hinting at where Eddies battles lie - an indication of both going into combat with one another!

Buck

For Buck his brown has reddish undertones (these are much less obvious than the yellows and oranges of Eddies undertones), and there his also the red party hat bringing the red aspect into focus. Red is a symbol of anger, danger, impulsiveness, aggression, passion, sacrifice, and courage.

Again the concept of support comes into play with the brown - Buck supporting Eddie, being a source of strength and stability at his back, as is visually shown with him never leaving his spot behind Eddie (unlike Tommy who moves away and out of camera in both the video call and the way the scene is shot - its costume and directing working in tandem to relay information about Tommy to the audience).

The reddish undertones play into the other aspect of the scene - the conversation (if yo can call it that) between Buck and Tommy - its foreshadowing Bucks anger towards Gerrard later in the episode, and also his impulsive and courageous actions to save Gerrard. I think the honesty and wisdom of brown is also important here as well. Buck may be questioning his motives and actions - if he intended to hurt Gerrard or save him, but the brown is giving him stability and suggests that ultimately he will figure things out in a positive direction.

I do want to quickly talk about the fit of Bucks shirt as well, because it is important in relation to what we've seen with Bucks costuming across the seasons and from the bts pictures we've had from Oliver showing a couple of Bucks costumes for upcoming episodes. The fit of this shirt is really really good on Buck and that is important.

I spoke quite a lot in my season 6 and season 7 meta's about the fit of Bucks clothing - in particular his trousers, but in his tops as well, how we've seen his clothing seemingly shrink and become to tight, right through to ill fitting and slightly oversized clothing.

The wardrobe department have been clearly showing Bucks character growth through the fit of his clothes - to tight and too short in the leg when he's uncomfortable and has outgrown his current situation - playing into the idea that Buck is trying to make himself smaller - make himself fit inside a skin that doesn't really represent or fit him any longer.

Then we've had the other extreme where his clothing is baggy and ill fitting - suggesting he doesn't fit in to the new him he's trying on - it is a perfect way to visually show that Buck is growing but not yet comfortable or at ease with this new version of himself.

His clothing settled into fairly well fitting through the latter half of season 7, and it was really interesting to see which scenes he was dressed slightly oversized or slightly too small in. Interestingly we tend to see clothes being slightly oversized now with Eddie and pushing towards too tight with in Tommy scenes, the ones where there is cross over (such as the greyish brown and light blue vertical stripes which we saw in scenes with both the fire fam and Tommy) we tend to get a good fit.

Right now we're in a period where Buck is the most content within himself that he as been and this brown shirt echoes that. It fits him well and it is a scene which features both Eddie and Tommy. WE know that we're going to see Buck wearing a range of fits of clothing, the up coming golf scene with Gerrard for example has a return of the fit being too tight and too short in the leg- emphasising Bucks discomfort. It will be really interesting to see which way things play out when it comes to costumes soley associated with Tommy, compared with costumes that are connected to Eddie or connected to the wider fire fam. I'm not quite prepared to pin my colours to the mast on this front just yet, but I do think we'll either see a slow shrinkage connected to Tommy and things being sightly oversized when it comes to Eddie - as a way of exploring his diminishing feelings for Tommy and expanding knowledge of his feelings for Eddie, or we'll see the reverse - oversized with Tommy as the relationship starts to run into problems (in much the same way we saw Eddies oversized clothing during his break down in s5 and now again in s8 connecting to Christopher's absence and his struggles with that) and to small with Eddie as a sign Buck no longer fits into the status of their relationship - that his feelings for Eddie don't fit the concept of friend any longer - that they are more than simply friendly.

So yeah - its going to be very interesting to see which way it plays out!

I'm finishing here as I'm already so much later posting this than I intended (thanks tumblr for being a pain and not letting me upload pictures into this post no matter how many times I recreated it - but I won the fight in the end!) hopefully 804's meta won't take so long or be such a technological pain!

I'm not tagging anyone this time as I didn't have time to ask if anyone wanted tagging in my costume metas - so this is your chance - if you'd like to be tagged in future costume metas for s8 - please drop me comment and I'll include you in the 804 meta!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed - its good to be back talking costumes! 💜💜💜

#kym costume meta #911 costume meta #911 costumes #911 colour theory #season 8 costumes #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard #check theory #kym colour theory #long post #meta #801 #802 #803

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bucksdaffy · 2 months ago

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re: tommy and his involvement in the S8 opening disaster

we obviously haven't seen the final part of the premiere yet, and we have no way of knowing if tommy's involved in the rescue in any capacity. however, i think we can safely assume that he is not landing the plane (which, after watching 8x02, i can't say i'm disappointed about) or assisting with the landing from the ground. 911 is a show that, while dramatic, remains grounded in reality. it bases the emergency calls on real-life events, though amped up for entertainment purposes.

tommy is a pilot, yes, but we don't know for sure if he flies both helicopters and planes. even if he knows how to land a commercial plane, that's great—but why choose a random firefighter, who may only be slightly familiar with the process, over an expert in the field? i love the theory, but it was far-fetched from the start, given that 911 isn't, as some might believe, that unrealistic in the events it portrays.

i think IF tommy is involved, the best-case scenario is that his primary role will be connected to buck (let's keep in mind that tommy isn’t a main character; he is a supporting character whose primary role is to serve as a love interest for one of the main characters. while he exists as a character in his own right, separate from buck, his role primarily centers on being buck’s love interest, whether we like it or not). i think he might worry because when the 118 arrives at the scene, buck's nowhere to be found, and then he learns he's on the highway with bobby while the plane is coming straight at them. once the plane has landed and everything is more or less under control, he and buck will reunite and that will likely be the extent of it. this is what i hope to see, but i'm ready for the possibility that i might be setting myself up for disappointment.

if tommy is involved but his role isn't connected to buck, i would expect him to be in the background, simply doing his job. then, if the show includes scenes centered around individual main characters, we may see him interact with buck in relation to their relationship.

i think these are the most plausible options for tommy in the 8x03. there is also a possibility that he won't appear in that episode at all (or that he will appear only in the individual scene with buck), but personally, i think it would be a strange choice, given that 217 is at the scene.

unless we don't see him next week, i can't say i'm disappointed with how this opening disaster has played out. i thought i would be, but after seeing 8x02, i realized it's much better this way. i love the idea of tommy helping to land the plane, and i beg my fellow fanfiction writers to make the best of this concept. i think it would work great in fanon, but i don't think it would translate effectively to canon, especially now.

this is not the buck and tommy show; it's 911. and once again, tommy is not a main character; he's a recurring love interest. buck and tommy's romance has only just begun, and they're still in the early stages of their relationship. we need them to build that connection, and the writers need to make the GA care more about (buck)tommy before we can get some gut-wrenching, heartfelt moments similar to those bobby and athena have. for now, we might get only small parallels, if anything, and that's okay. we need time to get to the big moments so that they can hit harder.

why create a plane disaster and not involve buck's hot pilot boyfriend in a significant way? well, perhaps the opening disaster is meant to set the tone for S8, suggesting that we’ll see more air rescues in the future. it might also serve as an opportunity to introduce us to the 217 team, allowing us to get to know one or two of tommy’s coworkers who could come in handy as the show progresses. it could also foreshadow a significant event later in the season involving buck and tommy, such as a helicopter crash. maybe tim also wanted to give buck and tommy the chance to work on the same call together? or perhaps he simply thought it would be exciting for 9-1-1 to tackle a plane disaster, without any specific implications for our favourite pairing.

either way i do think that as the show progresses, we'll see tommy become more involved, not only in his relationship with buck but also in the central dynamics of the show with the other characters. we just need to give it time and have trust—rome wasn't built in a day, after all. let's just appreciate what we have now and avoid being greedy. i think tim's doing a great job so far of balancing everything for the audience. as fans of the show, i think we should be grateful for that.

#long post #i'm just rambling #tommy kinard #bucktommy #tevan #kinley #911 8x03 #911 speculation #daffy quacks

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buckevantommy · 1 month ago

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did you dislike the ep in general, or just the lack of tommy and bucktommy?

i have a headache and i should probably rewatch the ep again once I'm feeling physically better before i answer this but having an achy head means my inhibitions are lowered and my brain to mouth filter is taking a nap, so i'ma let loose..

on the one hand: yes of course i'm annoyed there was no hot pilot in the planemergency. i honestly wasn't even expecting any bucktommy scenes, but i thought tommy would be at the airport staging area, or giving updates from his chopper in the air, etc. i am baffled that tim didn't include their resident pilot in this emergency at all; the repelling into the cockpit might be a little bit too insane even for this show, but i really think they could've utilised him in the air traffic control tower from the start - can you imagine tommy telling jem over the radio that he's doing a good job? i can, and my heart melts. 🫠

on the other hand: i get it. it sucks, but i get it. lou is a guest star, this emergency was centred around bathena, there was barely any room in the plot for the 118 let alone other characters. tommy could have been included more easily in the plot imho, but i have to remind myself it probably all comes down to budget and call lists and not wanting to split focus. this is the downside of tv shows unfortunately - it all comes down to money and time limits and star power; were this a book series there would be no excuse not to include tommy, and thus i will henceforth bury myself in fics that do just that. 📚

as for the whole of the ep: ...eh? here's the thing: i really love bathena in the cruise ship disaster so i think having them be the focus of the next disaster is difficult because they can't measure up to that epic chaos and emotional weight in my eyes. i also find it strange that they got the focus of two disasters two seasons in a row, but again: the star power of angela bassett is totally understandable, she really brings it in those disaster scenes and i would love to see her in more roles that balance heavy action and strong emotion bc she is a powerhouse in that dynamic. 💥

BUT - and maybe this comes down to the direction and editing in part - to me, there was a lack of urgency in the plane stuff this ep, which was strange considering all that was going on. i think they ended it too soon and the addition of the fire on the ground didn't really add anything except a fun little scene where buck tried to use a prop hose. it felt kind of.. anticlimactic? i loved the insane shot of bobby standing on the engine meeting the plane nose, but.. *sigh* yeah, i just wasn't on the edge of my seat. i actually prefer the tension and plane plot happenings in 8x02, and when i watched 8x02 live i was a little disappointed, but now i prefer it to this ep. 🛬

i really would've liked to see more of the 118 lending a hand in this emergency. i'm so glad we got as much of buck as we did, and seeing maddie and josh was good too, but.. yeah. that staging video we saw weeks ago of all the engines leaving the hanger just ending up feeling pointless? i was so looking forward to more of the ensemble cast and other firefighter extras helping on the scene, and it seems those potential scenes were traded in for more bathena focus and to me it just wasn't worth the trade. i love their love, but i think tim could've included more characters in the entirety of the planemergency. 🚒

as for athena's ending: returning to the aiport to get a real little black book was odd imho; they could've gone anywhere, and honestly i was kinda hoping for location change, but they were sticking with the theme so i get it. but i really liked the return to the mystery and the impending danger of the case, and the way they tied things up for athena's past was really nicely done, she deserves to have peace and closure and to know it wasn't all for naught. 💝

as for the gerrard stuff: unexpected! wonderful! distrubing af! many of us called it, that gerrard would take buck under his wing (re: golf date) and he'd be faced with this new dilemma of no longer being gerrard's target but of being his chosen one; i foresee angst and conflict in buck's future, specifically in his relationship with tommy - who will likely try to warn him against letting gerrard get too close and worrying over him - but also with the rest of the 118 as he reaps rewards he didn't want while they have to continue bearing the weight of gerrard's captaincy and even moreso now that buck is no longer his main target. 🫂

the gerrard stuff is the only real setup we got for upcoming episodes, but i'm curious to see how the planemergency affects brad and moreover his friendship(?)/dynamic with bobby and the hotshots job. we obviously are going to get more henren drama with ortiz and the kids, which will be interesting - i'm really looking forward to getting more ortiz in the plot. eddie and his moustache will feature, looking forward to seeing how he's coping with chris' absence and how that changes. 👀 lots of good stuff to come and i'm looking forward to all of it and to putting this planemergency behind me (however: the beenado will live on in my heart forever 🐝🌪️).

#asks #.txt #911 8x03 #tommy kinard #bucktommy

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ravi-is-my-beloved · 9 days ago

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My 8x07 Thoughts

911 Spoilers!!

The cop plot was better than I expected it would be. Which is not saying much because I did not have high expectations for it, but I'm glad the show wasn't just going to let Officer Sparks get away with shooting a civilian. Granted, I don't think they would've done that since they clearly had Athena be in the right about him, but I digress.

The Brad-Bobby-Gerrard plot....

I was rolling my eyes during the entire Gerrard was like "I love this job!" I still think he doesn't deserve to have such a nice job after all he's done and I'm still upset with how the writers basically gave him a happy ending. Because I'm assuming he's still on set on Hotshots despite Brad now shadowing Bobby, since the show still needs a technical advisor.

I knew Brad was entitled the moment he yelled at Hailey (I believe it was her) for a sandwich being not up to his tastes in 8x02 (it was either 8x02 or 8x03). Anyways, I really like the fact that Bobby told him off, because Brad deserved it.

Bobby being pulled back into the Hotshots mess was hilarious. He can't seem to escape the show and Brad no matter how hard he tries. And boy, does he try. I can't wait to see how unamused he is with Brad.

I actually really love Buck baking to cope with the breakup, I said it. I really love when he's cooking or baking, because it's just another proof of the arc he's had over the show since he started out not being able to cook much/at all. And now here he is, baking brie and loaves like they're easy things to bake.

Also, I really love the hilarious parts of this episode.

Eddie taking the phone from Buck and Buck chasing after him while Eddie and Hen pass the phone back and forth between them so Buck can't get it. Buck, Hen, and Eddie laughing at Bobby after watching the TMZ video and repeating his exact words to Brad in the video. Eddie pulling out his phone as if to film after Brad comes into the firehouse.

I was laughing this episode just as much as I was on the edge of my seat with the Athena-Officer Sparks drama.

So to end my thoughts, I'll say that I'm still really excited for the rest of the season. I can't wait to see Maddie's pregnancy and Eddie's joy. I can't wait to see Bobby and Athena in a new house.

I just can't wait and this episode made me remember how much I love this show.

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inawickedlittletown · 2 months ago

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I'll Be Waiting On The Ground (bucktommy) - 8x02 coda

. A/N: One spoilers. Two I'll preface by saying I actually don't think this will happen...but as there was lots of speculation about it and we know what movie Tim is referencing I couldn't help but write this.

Read on Ao3

There was definitely some relief in having finally reached Bobby. Not that it actually took away any of the worry that he’d been feeling since the call from Maddie. Athena on that plane and apparently the one trying to land it. He’d been trying his hardest not to think about how badly it could all go. The last thing he expected was for Bobby to want to steal the truck off the set or for them to be joined by one of the actors. Bobby didn’t even demand that the guy get out of the truck, but then again they needed to get all the way to the airport and it wasn’t worth it to lose any time.

“What do you know?” Bobby demanded.

Buck told him everything. Well, he skipped the part about how he might have saved or maybe almost killed Gerrard. It wasn’t important, at least not yet.

He told Bobby about Maddie’s call and how they had been on the phone with passengers on the plane helping them help each other. He told him how according to Maddie the Captain was gone and her co-pilot incapacitated.

“So my wife is in control of that plane?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah,” Buck said.

Bobby slammed his hand on the steering wheel.

“She tried to call me,” he said. “I was on set. Phone was turned off.”

“I know,” Buck said. “I was trying to reach you too. They didn’t want to interrupt the shoot”

Bobby rolled his eyes.

Buck pulled out his phone. He tried calling Athena, but knew even before he hit call that it wouldn’t go through. He thought about calling Hen or Chim or Eddie to find out what was happening on their end, but instead his fingers just naturally took him to Tommy’s contact.

The picture was one of Tommy making a silly face, eyes crinkled and tongue out. He hit call without a second thought. He knew Tommy was on shift, that he was probably either at the airport or heading there. He might not pick up.

It rang twice. Then a third. Then he heard a rustling sound.

“Evan? What are you — aren’t you on shift?”

“Tell me it’s not crazy that Athena can land that plane without…” Buck trailed off.

He heard a shuffle and then, “Evan, say that again. What about the plane?”

“Tommy, it’s Athena. Athena is on that plane. She’s the one that’s being talked through on how to land it.”

He glanced over at Bobby and found that Bobby was just staring out, mouth pressed into a line. The actor started to say something and Bobby shook his head.

“Not now, Brad.”

“Athena’s on the plane,” Tommy repeated. “Who’s talking to her about landing it?”

“Air control. I don’t know. Maddie said something about air control getting a flight instructor.”

Tommy didn’t say anything for several minutes, but Buck heard his voice as nothing more than a murmur behind the sound of sirens and then he was back. Buck shared a look with Bobby.

“Evan, I have to go,” Tommy said. “My Captain is contacting air control. I’ll let you know what’s happening up there.”

It took several long minutes. Minutes during which Brad introduced himself to Buck. Bobby said nothing. He just drove in silence and jumped when Buck’s phone rang. He scrambled for it, answering at once.

“Plane was hit by a smaller plane, the Captain was sucked out. Pilot woke up but had a heart attack. There’s some kid up there that knows something about planes that helped stabilize them but there’s a larger hole at the back of the plane. They’re evacuating the airport. Evan, they have no idea how this will go.”

“Shit,” Buck said.

“I don’t think even I could talk her through landing it. Athena is capable but—” Tommy trailed off.

“Kinard!” another voice called out.

“If I was up there or someone else with any flight experience this would be different.”

“The kid?”

“Is a child. Playing a simulation video game doesn’t make a pilot,” Tommy said. “There is one idea, but it’d be nearly impossible.”

“What is it?”

Tommy didn’t say anything for a long time. Then, “it’s up to my Captain. Maybe even the Chief, but if we can fly up there and I rappel down into the plane then I can help land it.”

“What? No! Tommy, that’s insane. You’re insane. A plane is not like a helicopter. It’s—”

“It’s in my skill range,” Tommy said in a calm tone. “I can do this.”

Buck felt like his entire world was crumbling.

“I hate this,” Buck said. “I really really hate this, but—”

“But it’s Athena and a bunch of other people on that plane.”

Two Bucks were warring inside him. There was the one that knew Tommy knew the scope of his own abilities and that knew Tommy would do everything in his power to help. That Buck also understood the job and the risks that they took every single day. Then there was the part of him that was Tommy’s boyfriend and who wanted to just grab Tommy and refuse to let him go anywhere near a helicopter that could aid him in flying into the air and getting himself into a plane that had several holes on it and that would likely not be easy to land.

“I have to go, Evan,” Tommy said. “I should say something here if—”

“No,” Buck said. “No. Whatever you have to say, you tell me after.”

“Evan,” Tommy’s voice was fond and full of so much feeling that it was almost like he’d said something else rather than just Buck’s name.

“Go,” Buck said. “I’ll see you soon, Tommy. I'll be waiting on the ground.”

“What’s happening, Buck?” Bobby asked.

“I think Tommy’s going to do something stupid and brave and heroic. I think he’s going to try and help Athena land the plane.”

They shared a glance and there was no need to exchange words. They knew what the other was feeling.

#bucktommy #bucktommy fic #evan buckley #911 abc #tevan #spoilers #911 spoilers #kinley

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bekolxeram · 2 months ago

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honestly idk about you but I loooved the first episode. it was amazing. but I realised I got my hopes up so much in regards to how heavily Tommy is going to be involved in the plane disaster and now I'm pretty sure he's going to be barely in it and icl I'm so disappointed. not with the show and the writers, but with myself 🥲 I guess I wanted to see Tommy in danger a little, perhaps not to the same extent as Athena but in danger nonetheless, ahh 😅 but I'm sure 8x02 and 8x03 are gonna eat either way! I really can't wait to see what they came up with

I absolutely loved it! It hits a nice balance of everything: humor, thrill, frustration, horror, warmth. It's nicely paced and generally a very fun watch. I mentioned last season that the BuckTommy dinner scene in 7x10 felt a bit awkward because they writers seemed to be cramping a lot of information as a setup for S8 in less than a minute. 8x01 managed to catch up with the personal lives of all the mains, foreshadow the obstacles they're going to face, and set up the opening disaster in a few short scenes.

The whole perfume launch call sequence? Chef's kiss. Buck's eureka moment? Buck chasing after Eddie with a few more squirts of perfume? Eddie running in laps around the pool to distract the bees with Flight of the Bumblebee in the background? Monty the beekeeper? Comedy gold.

Don't be so hard on yourself! Isn't part of the fun speculating and imagining what's going to happen on the show? You have your theory, I have mine, the show is most likely going to do a completely different third thing. Think about it, when has the show let us down ever since Tommy's reintroduction? We keep making wrong predictions, but the writers keep giving us something unexpected yet somehow better. Remember we all thought Tommy would rescue Chimney and fly him to the wedding in 7x06? Well, he didn't make his hero entrance, he was just busy fighting a wildfire, but he rushed to the hospital especially for Buck, no one else.

Airport 1975 is very... 70s, I don't think the exact plot would work in 2024 without some major tweaking. The flight attendant managing to keep the plane flying doesn't get nearly enough credit for that, instead the script frames her ex-boyfriend, the flight instructor who repels into the cockpit and lands the plane as the hero. (And everyone from her ex to ATC keeps calling her honey every 3 minutes and talking to her like she's dumb. I'm so glad 8x01 takes a jab at that in its first scene.) Needless to say I'm not a huge fan of the film, other than that big sexy 747 in the classic American Airlines bare metal livery. I hope the 911 remake of that will involve more team work and female pilots.

Such a beauty. Unfortunately I was born too late to see it with my own eyes.

Tommy can still very much be in danger.🙈Whether you believe Tommy can fly a giant airliner or not, he's definitely trained in fighting aircraft fire. It's dangerous, a lot of stuff can suddenly explode. Firefighters have been injured and killed in post crash landing explosions. (Expert in fighting fire with an aircraft AND fighting fire on an aircraft, geez Tommy, leave some expertise for the rest of us.) He might not be the hero who singlehandedly saves everyone in 8x02 and 8x03, but I believe he will be involved in the rescue in some capacity. I mean, it's an airport and the 217 truck is right there.

Feel free to ignore everything I said, anon. Ultimately, we still have fanfiction, so keep playing around with ideas, keep writing, keep reading and have fun!

#bucktommy #tommy kinard #911 speculation #911 spoilers #911 meta #ask answered

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lemotmo · 2 months ago

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Some random 8x02 thoughts…

I just watched the episode. Talk about an exciting episode! I was at the edge of my seat the entire time.

First things first, Athena on that plane. I just love Angela Bassett. She’s such a great actress. She can convey anything with one simple look. Top tier acting!

The plane disaster was so well executed, although I do have some small pet peeves about it:

Cabin personel is trained for situations like this. Why did some of them suddenly seem to forget what the procedures are? Athena was the one who had to tell the flight attendant to clear the end of the plane? No, that should be the other way around. The flight attendant is trained and should know what to do better than anyone. It just irked me.

Also, the moment in the middle of the episode where everyone was just magically ‘fine’? Like the girl with the broken leg giving a rousing speech in the middle of a plane disaster? No, just no. The older couple making jokes? No. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Don’t get me wrong. Moments like these are what makes 911 so appealing to the audience, but it just kind of took me out of the disaster for a moment? Does that make sense?

I guess I'm just too used to the more gritty European shows that are waaaaay more dark than this. You wouldn't see scenes like this on shows created in my country. It would all be dark, bleak, there'd be no hope in sight and everyone would be crying and dying. Sounds appealing right? 😂

On to Bobby...

I love how ‘Hot Shots’ is a kind of a meta mirror of 911 and they’re also going through the same crazy situations that would never happen in reality. And Bobby is sitting there, annoyed and half asleep, while his own life is exactly like that. The only difference it that Bobby isn’t an idiot like that actor.

Can I just say that I love the actor-guy? He is crazy and it seems like he is border-line stalking Bobby, but he is the kind of character you have to love to hate.

The Gerrard business was hilarious! Everyone was happy that he was gone. The man is hated in that fire house. Buck seems to think that Gerrard getting hurt was his fault. Why does that man always assume that he did something wrong and he's at fault? The Buckley parents have a lot to answer for. 🙄

I also really loved the scene where everyone in the firehouse is helping out someone on that plane. However, there is no way that they all had such good cell phone connections. No way. I sometimes have trouble calling someone from my house, let alone from a plane in mid-air that has two gigantic holes in it. 😂

Last but not least, I really liked that kid helping out Athena. I can’t be sure, but it almost seemed like he might have been on the spectrum? ASD? The way he wandered off and didn’t seem to have any fear? His hyper fixation on airplanes? It just felt like that to me.

Why do I feel like Jenkins is going to die saving Athena next episode? I just have a hunch.

Oh! One more thing… I’ll just come out and say it:

Moustached Eddie doing his little 'Gerrard is gone' dance and later on twirling down that firepole are two of THE hottests things that we’ve ever seen on this show. Sorry not sorry. I’m just stating facts here. 🤷‍♀️

#911 spoilers #911 episode 8x02 thoughts #911 thinky thoughts #911 speculation #season 8 speculation #911 abc

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sunflowerdigs · 4 months ago

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So, my initial speculation around Eddie and Buck was that Eddie would have a three part arc at the start of s8 (kind of - it would kick off at the end of 8x01, like the tsunami kicked off at the end of 3x01, and the meat of it would be 8x02 - 8x03), at the end of which he and Chris would reconnect enough that Eddie would be able to turn his focus inward for a self-discovery arc in 8x04-8x06 (so, Chris wouldn't come home just yet, but they'd at least be talking).

I never posted my thoughts around Bobby and Hen, but I figured that 8x01 - 8x03 would be similar for them in that by 8x03 their situations would be partially resolved, with the full resolution set to play out in 8x04 - 8x06 (maybe even with a lawsuit). So, by 8x03, Bobby would be temporarily reinstated while Gerrard is suspended pending investigation, and Hen and Karen would have Mara back as a foster and would be restarting their aborted adoption process.

Ortiz and Gerrard seem to go together, so I imagine they'll both be defeated by the 8x04 - 8x06 arc. They're such major villains that I just can't imagine 911 running their arcs alongside the season-opening major disaster. There could be separate legal arcs, one for Ortiz (Henren adoption process) and one for Gerrard (major lawsuit against the LAFD). Or, because Mara will be back in Henren's home and that was the major story conflict in that plotline, it's possible that they'll speedrun the adoption and focus mainly on Gerrard. But I think Hen and Chim are going to team up to make sure that Gerrard can never come back, and that's going to take much harsher legal action than the complaints from their first go-round with him.

Simultaneously, I think Eddie will have a self-discovery arc that will resolve in 8x06, and Buck will start an arc in 8x05 that will probably end at 8x07 or 8x08. Not sure what it might be, honestly, but I suspect it'll delve back into those abandonment issues.

#911 speculation #911 abc #hen wilson #eddie diaz #buddie #my 911 meta

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theromanticrationalist · 10 months ago

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Some Thoughts on Sheldon Cooper. . .

"Leonard, I am overwhelmed. Everything is changing and it is simply too much. I need to get away and think." | 7x24 The Status Quo Combustion

"Dr. Cooper, while you were away we came up with a solution that would allow you to change your field of study." "Wow. Pouting and running away actually worked! Yeah, I must say, that may not be the lesson you want to reinforce with me." | 8x02 The Junior Professor Solution

"I'm not leaving your world. I'm just talking about living across the hall." "I understand. Either way, I want you to know that I'm aware of how difficult I can be. So, I just want to say thank you for putting up with me." | 8x12 The Space Probe Disintegration

"It just seems silly to eat in two groups." "It doesn't seem silly if you think of that group as being lead by a big, evil baby." *a few moments later and everyone situated around the couch* "Well, isn't this nice. Sometimes the baby wins!" | 7x16 The Table Polarization

"Two years ago I got my driver's license." "What?! Why didn't you say anything?!" "I like being chauffeured around. It makes me feel important." | 10x16 The Allowance Evaporation

These are some of the moments where Sheldon shows a level of great self-awareness. I bring these moments up as showcasing that Sheldon's level of emotional maturity is much greater than his friends (and the writers of this show) give him credit for. One of the main problems is how the narrative often treats Sheldon as if he is completely incapable of growth, maturity, or taking care of himself. The truth couldn't be further from this. Even the narrative itself shows how much Sheldon changed during his relationship with Amy. The primary problem is that Sheldon's personality is so big and overwhelming, he doesn't HAVE to change because he is able to get everyone to do what he wants anyway, which he is fully aware of and exploits constantly. I mean if you are Sheldon, someone who has a mind sharper and faster than anyone you meet and prefer to have tight, tyrant-like control over your reality in order to feel safe and secure, pushing and manipulating people around to do your will is going to come naturally with the territory. The problem wasn't that Sheldon is a stunted adult who can't manage life on his own, but it is in the fact that Sheldon rarely got constructive and encouraging push back for his behaviors and choices. For when he did, which primarily came from Amy, he was fully capable of making corrections to his behaviors and expanding his worldview. It just ended up that he was either treated poorly and abusively or enabled and placated. That's why I really love the moment with Mrs. Davis when he comes back from his train-riding "sabbatical". Changing his field of study was a HUGE cataclysmic event in Sheldon's life and was one aspect that was causing him the greatest distress. Yet even in this reality-altering experience, Sheldon realizes that some of his responses to it weren't healthy, and makes a note of it with her, e.g. don't reward my childish behaviors because I will take FULL ADVANTAGE OF THEM. There was SUCH a missed opportunity there at the end of Season 7 going into Season 8. Penny realizing that she and Leonard needed to let Sheldon go, allowing him to make his own choices and do what he felt was right for him was a huge revelation for the characters. It was kind of a significant, paradigm shifting moment! I naively thought that they would build on that going forward in the show, but nah. Of course not. Any moments that would have allowed for such growth from all the characters were usually walked-back or dropped. It is such a shame, and makes the watching of this show frustrating for me. And yes! I know! I realize this is a sitcom! Why am I expecting such highbrow writing from something that is primarily supposed to be comedic and entertaining? Well, I think this subtext was implied in the narrative despite itself, especially with Jim Parsons. I think his acting conveys a lot of Sheldon's complexity through his body language and micro-expressions. There is SO MANY LAYERS to Parsons' performance, I just do not see how you couldn't possibly get wrapped up in dissecting them and having higher expectations of the narrative you are watching. Jim Parsons MAKES this show, otherwise what else would it offer?

#anyway just my two cents #my thoughts #my sheldon cooper thoughts #sheldon cooper #young sheldon #jim parsons #the big bang theory

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writella · 1 year ago

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Moments Behind His Eyes

A moment of adoration, pain, release, then acceptance, and many expressions of love between Rick x reader.

Based upon the events of 8x02/03, reader is afab, lots of internal admiration and worry about Rick from the reader, and there is smut in a few different areas. 18+

“Have you ever had one of those moments…” Your voice trailed off wistfully as you gazed at how the sun gleamed gently off the water. Yet, you also noticed how deep and heavy it looked too, mirroring the weight of thoughts. You let your hands rest on the grass and started up again, “Have you ever had one of those moments that you wished lasted forever?”

Rick had already turned to you, watching as you finished your question, taking in the sight of your profile, admiring how the light touched your skin, similar to the way you looked at the lake. Although his eyes felt weak and tired, he watched you with fondness and a bit of sorrow. It felt like such a relief to have something, someone, so bright and glistening like starlight yellow that was all his among this wreckage of the world. It gave him some semblance of peace, like an exhale in this time when he sucked in so much hate and rage and… shame.

He tried to push it back down as he quietly listened to you, “And not because it was one of those ‘best day’ moments, but a moment where you knew that after it was over, everything would go back to grey, or black, or nothing.” There was a sadness Rick sensed in that ending. Almost as if you knew what was going on in his mind, of that said shame, the grey and black and nothingness of it. The everything of it. Another weight on the falling side of the scale that made all the other bad deeds resting there tip down further. He wondered what would finally be the last straw; the point of no return; scale shattered.

Rick felt like he was there a long time ago, like those first weeks in Alexandria, but there was always Carl, and Michonne, and Daryl, and the group, and of course, you who still looked at him the way you’re doing right now. With a kind light as if your face mirrored what you saw in him— the future. He knew the world he wanted Carl and Judith to grow up in, but it was getting to the point where he didn’t see that world within himself. Yet your trusting eyes seemed to say you still did.

And you were no optimist, of course. At least not completely. How could you be in a world like this, in a war like this? But since you’ve been by Rick’s side, the wonder emerged from you more naturally— to be the anchor, the ever-returning light that never ceased to come out at dawn. Unknowingly, he taught it to you, or just being around him inspired you to be so and you embraced that role. Even after another never-ending day of taking down walkers or gathering supplies for the Saviors, you were the one that smiled with blood stripes on your face and clothes and all. He knew that was your deposition, that’s why he wondered why your words ended so bleakly today, and why nonetheless, you still had a slight, albeit sad smile on your face despite it. What was truly on your mind? Were you keeping something inside too?

You continue, “Like when I ask for one more look before you leave-“

“Or when you say my name like you’ve got to ask a question, but you really have none?” He interrupts with his natural, gentle charm. His head tilted to the right, chin up and eyes squinting from the sun, those crinkles forming by the corners. His lips look so rosy, the sides curve a little bit, it’s not a smile yet, but he’s being smug. You’ve got his attention, the fond memory musing him.

“And you say it’s-”

“Because you / I just like being around me.” You both say in imperfect unison.

He laughs softly. There it is. It’s just three light titters that turn into a closed-mouth smile, mellow and faded, but you saw it. It was there. You made it happen.

This was one of the first times he had smiled genuinely from the start of Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Kingdom’s first attack on Negan and the Saviors. Not one of the ones he put on when he tried to put up a righteous front toward the others, giving one of his infamously rousing speeches to bring everyone together. You knew a lot of what was underneath.

Similar to the slanted plain of grass you two sat on, you felt yourself slowly inching towards a downward fall. In a world infested with the dead, you found it so heartbreaking that it was other humans who could make it grimmer. And you felt Rick falling in that same direction, faster than you and probably anyone else, in fact. You knew you shouldn’t worry, he is always able to make it back. Allow his ‘mercy to prevail over his wrath,’ but it was a wax and wane. His anger, his violence, his undying persistence to go to any lengths to protect, reaching out again, making him commit acts others cannot, or maybe believe they cannot. The ones that make you look differently at a man. The killing, and the sometimes forgetting sympathy because of how many times you have killed.

But as strong as that side of him is, you believe it comes from the side of himself that loves so deeply and earnestly. It’s the stronger side, you know it. It’s what makes him different from the Saviors. It’s what makes various groups stand by him. It’s the side you make sure to remind him of.

“Rick,” you start, finally gathering up the courage to bring up what you truly wanted to talk about, “What happened the other day? You know, when you went off with Daryl.”

You saw his eyes leave you, looking down the small hill. “You’ve been quiet,” you say with faint humor. “You’re never quiet. You leaders never shut up.”

He shakes his head, the light laugh returning but leaving just as fast.

You let your fingers bristle over his ever-growing beard. It was short for now. Not just a fade, but definitely not hovering well under his chin yet. Nonetheless, it was the one you had cleaned the blood out of in the shower two days prior.

Before stepping in, you had seen him rip up the shirt he was wearing. No knife, but with his bare hands. Popping buttons and tearing the sleeves when he thought no one was looking. It soaked of sweat and was stained red for sure, but you had seen Carol and those on cleaning duty fix and repair much worse. Something was wrong, different from the hundreds of other things wrong, but he wouldn’t say.

You had been Rick’s companion long before the both of you slept in the same bed, and because of this, the slight shifts in mood and varying inflections on his face were easier to spot. You knew Rick had trauma he has yet to tell you, you only know the larger details about what happened to his old partner, or his late wife, and you knew it still hurt him but he wasn’t feeling this down before the first attack. What was this new hurt? It was almost as if you were sitting with Daryl now, Rick’s eyes were so solemn and sad, his mouth pressed into stoicism.

Even now as his eyes trail your fingers that caress his jaw, you see no answers. His blue eyes looked so dark now, merely mirroring the water he was just looking down upon. You wondered if he wanted to drown in it; be submerged, even just for a second, to forget, or maybe… to be absolved. But for what? Rick always felt pained about the things he did. But you and Carl and everyone in the group know the reasons why, or at least you’re starting to learn more about the fury and charge he took upon himself after his friend’s death. You knew it took sacrifices to one’s mind and soul to make it in this world and that was exactly the cost Rick took up to pave the way to get you all here.

Of course, everyone worked hard and was useful and skilled and powerful in their own right, but you all had an unspoken understanding that none other than Rick has stepped up to take the load and burden of actions you never come back from. All of that work to have a home like Alexandria was exactly why it’s so important that you all beat the Saviors now. Part of you couldn’t understand why Rick still hasn’t gotten to the point of knowing that their love and belief in him is limitless, but the other part of you empathized with how hard it could be to believe so when each day that passes, and the more that humans become like the walkers you were surviving and fighting against, it becomes harder to see yourself as anything other than monstrous for the things you must do to continue on.

That’s why as you quickly stepped into the shower before Rick saw you watching, you allowed him to touch you, to do as he pleased, let him avoid your knowing eyes and askings of his day, and submit to refraining from saying anything unless it had to do with the way his hands and mouth made you feel, and how he felt inside you.

Oh, he made it hard to concentrate. And with never knowing when and what time will be your last moment together, it was always hard to say no. The heat of the shower was synonymous to the feeling within your heart. The drumming, the fire, the explosions that happened whenever Rick kissed and kissed and pumped and went deeper as he pressed your back against the wall.

And just like that, the act happens again. No words about that day, just your loving touch being replaced by his avoidant lips. Avoidant to answer questions, but readily kissing into your hand until he moves it to his own and then over his shoulder as he connects his lips to yours, nuzzling his nose against your own before doing so. Breathing in the warmth of your close proximity.

Everything within you melts. The sun and him and everything within your body just warms. It’s not heat, though you felt that familiar sensation below start to fire, it’s just the fact that Rick feels just so perfect against you in any capacity. The notion in your mind that it always feels like you two belong that makes you feel warm inside. It’s like he knows, and he probably does if last night was any indicator, that you can’t think when he strikes you with any touch, any kiss, any act of love. That’s why you never got to find out what happened the other day.

His now free hands reach toward your jeans, undoing the button, teasing you with his fingers above your underwear. Circling until comfortably slotting his pointer and middle finger between your folds, he hummed contently at the feeling, knowing your wetness was seconds behind if not already there.

“Rick,” you meant for it to sound like a signal to stop, you really wanted him to talk, but it just ended up sounding like a wined sigh. You loved him and it was intoxicating, he was intoxicating. His slow and gentle, but rhythmic movements matched the feeling of peace similar to the meadow you were in, and the soft warming of your cheek that was ever touched by the sun at this moment. It just felt so good.

His fingers go beneath the band and there is a smile on his face that you can’t see as the side of your forehead nestles in his hair, reeling at the feeling of his fingers touching without the cloth in between. Rick goes lower, gathering your wetness to your clit and going faster with the ease of your slick. Then slowly, his fingers slide down again, his palm now covering your folds. Feeling up against your clit, rubbing up and down against the bone while his fingers push inside you, circling, then curling up, and pushing.

Your hands and arms move from cupping his shoulders to hanging entirely over his upper back, arms squeezing against his neck. “Rick,” you plead, but again your attempt comes out wrong, it’s a sigh as your eyes roll back at the feeling of his hand everywhere you hate to admit you needed it. “Mm, Rick, please,” you feel embarrassed knowing that was just another response to how good he was making you feel than a demand to get back to what you were supposed to be talking about and yet you let his other hand go under your shirt.

Your eyes open for a second to see a bunny hopping along over by the trees. The oddity and the fact that you were doing terribly at making him stop or making yourself want him to truly stop made you chuckle lightly, the three giggles just turning into “mms” and a single “ah” afterward.

“You don’t want me to stop,” he chided, you could now hear the smug smile he must have had on. He was right, you couldn’t help it. You laughed, a bit desperately, along with him.

Rick started pumping deeper, thumb now in the area where his palm was. Then, with his free hand, he guided you to help him put your jeans down a little farther and then pushed you slightly by the shoulder, your back now flat on the diagonal grass. Your knees went up instantly but he moved the left one down, moving closer in between. His right hand fingers now solely work on taking you to the edge as his left focuses on your clit.

It felt so good. You hated how much. How could he create this much pleasure if it was just built from trying to keep something from within him down? It wasn’t right, but god, what he was doing felt so, so right anyway. “UGH,” your frustration snapped both for his wellness and otherwise. “Rick,” you moan once more. You were close. You knew it and so did he. You couldn’t believe you were about to do this to yourself: you got up on both your hands, looked him in his eyes, and said sharply, “Rick.”

He stopped.

“Wait,” you reached out for him, but he walked downward to the water, balancing on his toes, cleaning his hands, feeling a bit embarrassed. You watched as he got up and just stared into the lake. He was probably looking at his reflection. Was it light from the sun, or dark from the depth?

You fixed your clothes as your face filled with worry once more. This was just the start of your war with the Saviors. Right at the beginning wasn’t the time to hold things down, especially between you and him. You wanted to set that precedent starting now.

But you also didn’t want to push him too hard. Maybe you just ruined one of those yellow moments before the grey. But it seemed the clouds were already in his eyes anyway. You look down, defeated until you suddenly hear Rick’s footsteps walking upwards. His boots meet your eye-line. But before you can look up to face him he finally admits, “I killed somebody’s father.”

You meet his gaze and immediately get up, noticing his watery ones, a tear on the right side so close to falling.

You didn’t understand, “Everyone is a someone to somebody, Rick.” You were sympathetic, you knew some kills affected a person more than others, but it didn’t make sense. “I’m sure you did it because you had to.”

“I don’t know if I did. I could have asked more questions.” He shook his head, his thumb and pointer turning his head down as they rested on either side of his brows.

“Did he give you a chance to ask questions or was he trying to kill you first?” you reason.

“Of course, he was trying to kill me, he was a Savior. We were trying to find guns and I think we came into his home.” He breathes out harshly and then he’s quiet for a moment, but his eyes and head look loud and sad and angry.

You allow him to take a minute until you break the silence. “What are you thinking,” you softly urge, delicately placing your hands in his. “You can say it. There had to be more to this. I’m not going to judge you.”

He doesn’t follow your gaze, his eyes are low and to the side. One hand lets go of yours to wipe the water heavy on his eyelids, a few tears already having rolled down.

“There was a baby… I- I didn’t know.”

“Gracie?” You say solemnly, but not without a slight gasp of realization, remembering the baby Rick told you he brought back from the failed gun gathering, the little girl he entrusted to Aaron.

He nods, eyes still following the downward plain. “I killed that little girl’s dad. I killed her only family and now she’s going to grow up in this world alone.” His eyes were at level with the trees now, but still not reaching you. “Imagine if that was me? I would never get to know who Judith would end up to be. I’d never get to see Carl become an adult.” He stops for a beat, “I’d destroy,” his voice sinister, “whoever tried to take me away from my children,” then it dropped mournfully, “and I was the one who ended up doing that to some other guy.”

You tried to find the right words, but his last sentence left you speechless. You couldn't blame him and you weren’t afraid, but Rick’s anger was one that could sometimes leave a person in shock and his sadness was one that could break your heart.

“And not to mention Daryl killed Morales.”

Even though he didn’t look at you, he answered your questioning eyes. “He was a guy we were in Atlanta with for a short time. And he killed him for me.” His hand goes to his chest for a second, touching his heart before falling down to his side, “Daryl would never do that to people who were on his team.”

“Daryl wouldn’t do that to the people he loves,” you correct him, ready to speak on behalf of Daryl. “And if that guy was there doesn’t that mean he’s with the Saviors now?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“This technicality does matter.”

“Well just like that other guy, maybe there was more to it.”

“Was there? Or did this happen fast?”

“Me with Morales? No. Daryl killing him, yes.”

“Well, when you were with him was there more?”

“He was trying to kill me or take me in to Negan. He wants me. And Maggie. And Ezekiel. They’ve got some plot going on.”

“Daryl must have done it because he thought he was going to lose you. And that guy must have had a gun to your head. And like you said you’re not the only one wanted, it’s not all on you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he repeats dismissively. “All these things we have to do. All the killing everyone is doing. It’s all my fault.” His accent seems to come out more clearly the more upset he gets, the louder he gets.

“Negan was terrorizing communities before we got involved,” you argue.

“But I’m the reason we are involved!” He’s basically shouting, but then, his voice gets low and angry and bitter, “If only I didn't kneel to that motherfucker.”

“Our friends just died in front of us, we were heartbroken and scared to be next! What could you do, Rick? But you didn’t ask it like a question, there was nothing he could’ve done that he didn’t do. “We were all on our knees. Not just you.”

“Well if I didn’t decide that we should kill his people in that outpost. If I wasn’t so fucking stupid to think the Saviors were that small and that it was all that easy.”

“The world was smaller then. We know more now.”

“Stop reasoning with me,” he almost sobs. His elbows are on his knees now, closer to the ground, and his hands go on his head. You go down to him right after, hands around his arms. This was your hero and he practically hated himself.

“Rick,” you pause for a second trying to choose your words wisely. You didn’t want to say the same old thing, that it’s okay. It wasn’t. You understood that.

Going deep into yourself you try to find something he might actually listen to. When you find it, you’re worried about how it might come out, but you start before thinking, “You know what? Yes. You have done awful and dangerous things.” You make sure to continue with solemnity in your voice, you wanted your words to sound firm

but not mean, “You did kill a child’s father, and if the record tracks, I think that was actually the second time, or who knows how many. You put a bullet in your best friend. You never got to tell your wife you loved her one last time; you never got to make those final amends. You couldn’t save Hershel, or Glenn, or Abraham… Your final call for us to help the Hilltop and take down that outpost solidified us in this mess, yes. That’s true.”

He looked up at you, frightened and confused. Did you hate him now too?

“But,” you look into his eyes for a moment, seeing his fear. It was heartbreaking, but you were hoping that start would make him listen to this: “You are among two other leaders who built up an army to take down a man and his group who planned on taking us all as his own, like his property.” Your voice rises, “Do you understand how inhumane that sounds? He’s worse than a dictator, living like this has felt like some wild cult! And I think about the girls who he calls his wives every day. Wondering what would happen if he picked me or Rosita or someone else instead of wanting Maggie. Or those children that live in that compound.” Your voice lowers, “I think about when Carl went there. He’s never told either of us about it… What if he never came back to us? What if Daryl never came back to us?” You push away the thought, “We’re doing this and making the mistakes we, unfortunately, make in the process for them. And all the dads and moms and kids and friends who are like us in there— the workers. The ones who are still alive but can’t actually live because of the hell they must go through living in a place like that.”

You continue as he looks down, “And it’s the fact that you are basically on your knees right now, being real and human and hurting that shows you are not Negan or whatever your head is telling you you are.” You’re holding his head now, “I can take your worst.” The fire in your voice forces him to look up at you, “And I won’t stand for anyone else who doesn’t believe in our cause. Who doesn’t believe in you.”

His eyes try to hold onto your own, but they falter again. “Rick,” you plead. “Your mistakes don't change your heart. Today is a new day. You can be better. I’ve seen you do better.”

“I know I can do better.” He finally answers, his voice matching your own, angry.

“So do it.” He nods lightly, mouth agape. “Do better, but don’t let that stop you from forgiving yourself sometimes. We’re going to fuck up. There’s still so much more to do. More battles. More fights.”

“I know.”

“But you can try. And sometimes you’ll fail, but you can try and then try again.”

Rick’s nods continue, though his eyes are still watery and elusive, some tears slowly escaping. Your thumbs touch his lower eyelids, making the tears spill so you can wipe them away. This tilt of his lowered head makes your palm touch the corner of his lips. “Look at me, Rick,” you whisper, “and keep looking,” his eyes shift upward. “I can take your worst.”

And then, you kiss him. It’s immersive and safe, passionate but soothing. The warm light transmitted from the sun transfers to your skin, your lips, then his. All the love and hope and belief you had to give, you tried to instill in him like this in this moment.

Both your heads tilt upwards. He’s giving you the same effort but you can tell he’s following you right now; he’s given in. As you both sit down on the plain again, you put your left hand on the ground over his legs. Your right hand is still on his cheek and he leans back slightly but as your forehead nudges against his, he allows it to slowly push him onto his back allowing you to sit on top of him. Absent-mindedly, you start unbuttoning his shirt, smiling into the kiss now, hands feeling down his chest and then to his abdomen. His hands fall instinctively on your hips, rocking you against him down and up and down and deep, deep, deep.

You look up at him then, hands on his neck reaching toward his jaw. His eyes look into yours. “Are we-”

“We are,” you start. “But I just want to look at you for a moment first.” Your words are endearing and true. You’re seriously your own bloc but it’s that your worry still lingers.

“I’m not going anywhere right now.”

“I know.” You kiss him softly one more time before laying flat against him, holding him tightly, breathing into his neck.

His arms wrap around your back, one hand going into your hair, embracing you just as tightly.

You both stay there, it could have been for minutes. Both of you are quiet. Your eyes tilt to the side now feeling the sun on your closed eyelids as Rick stared at the light blue sky.

Finally, Rick decides to speak, “Sometimes I don’t know how much more I can live with myself.” You hear the pain in his voice, it almost cracks. “I don’t know if I can see myself the way you see me. I look in the mirror, even in the water, and there are times that I don’t know what I’m looking at. Or I can tell that it’s me and that I’ve just become everything that I thought I was fighting against.”

“It’s like I told you, Rick. It’s about how we try moving forward. It’s not about what happened yesterday.”

“Well, can’t you say that for Negan then?”

“Is Negan trying to change? With all the power he has, how many times has he had the opportunity to?” Your anger rises at the thought of him but you digress, “But this is about you right now. You lift so many people up.” Your eyes urge him to truly take in your words this time. “I didn’t know how to believe in people anymore before you came along. You showed me that community is real and that it can still exist. That I could have a family again. You inspired me to believe.”

“Then why can’t I inspire myself right now.”

“Because when we try to be everything to everyone, we fall short for ourselves. Those who inspire need someone to inspire them.” You pause, and ask quietly, “Do you believe in me?”

“Of course I do.” He said it unhesitatingly.

“Well, I believe in you, so if you trust me, you’re going to have to give yourself some credit then.” You look at him lovingly, and then he returns the expression. “You are the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met. And I will believe it for both of us until you find it in yourself. You can even hate yourself right now if you want to, but I’m not going down without a fight for you. You’re not failing and I’m not letting you fall.”

His eyes meet yours in the way you’ve been hoping for— the tears are gone, you see bits of the sun in his eyes now, and there is finally some hope.

Seconds pass, possibly a minute and then, Rick is ready to move on: “I’m not okay,” he states plainly, but there is a strange, half-rousing look that slowly comes after it. “And I don’t mean to come off wrong after what we just spoke about, but are you ever going to let me do something? For real?” He smiles now, wide and full, and teasingly.

“Yes, right now,” you answer with a wild giggling grin. “We’ll do something right now.”

You and Rick move to the more leveled plain of grass. You take off your shirt and head straight to unbutton his pants. “I’ve got you. For this moment, I’ve got you.”

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